So Very Quiet
by dhbPATHWAY1997
Summary: Arthur's ignoring Alfred, and Alfred has no idea why. He wonders, he hopes, he despairs. It hurts that Arthur won't talk. Okay, sure, maybe Alfred hasn't tried to text him first, but that's Arthur's job! What did Arthur do so very wrong? USUK drabble.
1. Overdramatic

_The silence is just deafening..._

Dude, what did I do? Did I _say_ something, or imply something? I didn't mean to, I swear.

_It's been days..._

Yeah, I was a little off my game; kinda not myself. I'm sorry I can't be the happiest guy on earth a hundred percent of the time, but even I can get a little upset. An argument takes two.

_You text Mattie like it's nothing_...

How can you be so chipper and okay talking to my brother, but you won't even text me? We used to talk _every night_ like clockwork, and now it's been four days, with no word from you. You're obviously not too busy, if you can text Matt whenever.

_Do you still love me?_

Are we growing apart? I thought that wouldn't happen... Do I _want_ that to happen? You've caused me so many problems, the majority emotional, and sometimes I wish I had a break. But now I see that's not what I want. I just want to make you the happiest I possibly can and I want to be able to talk and laugh like we used to.

_I'm too afraid to text you first..._

What if I say something stupid, like I usually do? I don't need you any more upset at me. I'm sick with the distance that's between us right now, but I'm too afraid to do anything about it, 'cause I don't wanna make it worse. We're at an impasse.

_Will you ever try again?_

Sometime next month, when it's been so long that I'm already getting used to just _not_ getting a response, will you text me? If you do, you'll probably be in a good mood, happy to talk to me. But why, and how can you explain your silence? Don't try to pass this off onto me, you know you always text me first. It's a thing. Solid. We've had that established for months.

_I can't help but wonder..._

Was it that last little argument we had? It wasn't even really that bad! We apologized and made up the very next day! Yeah, I was acting a little weird, but I was tired! It happens! To be honest, I was just too...well, I didn't have the pride to admit to you again that I was tired, that I couldn't keep up with staying up late and trying desperately to get stuff done that should've been done days ago.

_I'm sorry for being the way I am, somehow..._

But don't you - or didn't you - love me that way? I thought we were tight. I'm kind of annoying, and I jump to conclusions. Sometimes I cause ridiculous drama, but you do it, too! You do the same stuff I do, so why can you judge me for it? Is there a problem with me? For you, I'd change.

_To me, you're perfect..._

You have your flaws, so many I can't list them all, but I have more. And every imperfection makes you who you are and I love you so much it hurts. You can't get any better to me. I just want you to be happy - and I'd love to be the one who makes you smile.

_Come on, please..._

You've always been here for me, except now! Well, and that one time... But that really didn't last too long anyway, so I barely count it. How can you just _cut off_ communication with me, without warning? One night, we were okay, and now...nothing.

_You know it hurts, don't you?_

My chest hurts, nearly all the time, but it's worst when I'm thinking about you. My head starts to hurt whenever I try yet again to ask myself why and come up with a half-decent answer. I just don't understand.

_If there's anything I can do..._

Can anyone but you tell me what's wrong? 'Cause if you don't wanna talk to me, I'll ask them! I just need to know. Maybe I can help! Just give me anything, and I'll do anything to make it better!

_Lately, things have been so different..._

I've noticed it. And I realize that things are so difficult for you, and I'd do literally _anything_ to ease your pain. I've spent hours, up into the early hours of the morning, trying to help, but I know that I don't do much. It's all I can do to keep you happy for a few hours. Things are hard for both of us - family, personal issues, school, stress, just normal life crap. But come on, I can help! I love you, and we can do this! We can work through it, I know we can! We're stronger than this, man!

_Please tell me that it's not my fault..._

I hate myself for all the times I've hurt you, and yelled at you. Every word I've ever said with any mean kinda tone, I regret, I swear. I could say I'm sorry a thousand times and mean it more every single time, but I know for a fact that it wouldn't help. We're just not like that. We've never been like that. "I'm sorry" is for short-term arguments. It's for when we're just too tired to talk, too frustrated to see eye-to-eye for a while. What did I _do_ this time! Are you testing me? Is this a test, to see how long I'll wait for you? 'Cause the answer is forever. Are you trying to see if I'll be desperate enough without your company to cave and text you first?

_Am I just being stupid...?_

Should I give up waiting for you, suck up my pride, and text you first? You know you always text me first... You always have the first words, and I usually have the last. I never want to say goodbye to you, even if I'll talk to you the next day, and I try to make you see that.

_I just...I don't know, anymore..._

Is this even worth it? I love you. I've told you a million times, and I mean it, I do! But my heart hurts. I ache, all over, from missing you, or crying for you, or with you, and I'm just not sure if I can handle this. Am I sane enough myself to handle the insanity? You know I've never been great when it comes to the reasonable thinking kind of thing. Do you still love me? I still love you... But where are you? Where the hell did you go? Are you _hiding_?

_Help me to understand..._

Just talk to me, Artie. I love you, and that's all you need to know. I swear, I'm okay. But are you? Are you okay? I want to help, if you're not, and I want to talk either way. My heart is breaking, and you're the only one who can possibly repair it. Please, _please_, just talk to me...


	2. Far Away

My bedroom seemed cavernous as I paced its length restlessly, my feet wearing a path in the fluffy carpet. The only light in the room came from a lamp on my desk, dark blue curtains blocking out any starlight.

My phone sat on my bed, screen black, taunting me. Its presence weighed heavily on my mind, and I couldn't look away from it. It made me nervous, somehow. It'd been three more days...three more long, empty days, with not so much as a butt dial from my boyfriend.

Was I being ridiculous? Of course. Did I stop pacing, then? No. Well, until I got tired. When I did, I tentatively sat down on my bed next to the thin black phone, and I pressed a button to see the time: one twenty-seven a.m... I needed to sleep, but my mind was too active. Too many tortuous thoughts swam around in my brain, imprinting Arthur's face into it, and the sound of his voice...

I continued to stare at the phone, even long after the screen had faded to black again. Reflected in the black, I saw my own face, with tired eyes, messy hair and slightly skewed glasses.

I didn't breathe for almost a full minute. Then I picked up the phone.

_Swallow your pride! Come on! Teeeeext hiiiim!_ my overtired brain ordered me.

I sighed, then pressed his contact. Quickly, I typed, _Arthur? You there?_ I knew the correct spelling would catch his attention, but I would stop once (of if) he responded - I was too impatient to worry about correct English.

I tapped my foot to an impossibly fast rhythm as I waited for a response. If I was going to get one at all, that was.

Just as my leg was beginning to ache, my phone beeped. I was so startled that I dropped the phone, and scrambled to the floor to pick it back up, looking at the screen disbelievingly. Really - his name was there, below the little animated envelope, opening and closing. He'd replied. It was worth throwing away my pride, to see his name on the screen, and I felt a bit pathetic, deep inside my head, but I disregarded it for the time being and hit "Open."

_Oh, hello, Alfred_.

That was...it? I wasn't disappointed, but I wasn't thrilled anymore, either. I was actually just confused. A week, I hadn't talked to him, and he said just that? "Oh, hello, Alfred"? What was that supposed to mean?

_Uh...hi..._ I replied, feeling stupid now, and a little upset.

_Did you...need something?_ he asked after a minute.

_Well an explanation 4 y we havnt tlked in a week mite b nice._

_Ah, back to the improper English?_ I could practically hear him sigh in exasperation.

_Yep._

Anger built within me, making my response short, and I was no longer glad to get a reply from Arthur. I was too upset, that he'd been ignoring me, avoiding me, whatever it was. I had to wait a while before Arthur texted back, and when he did, I sighed, myself.

_Well, you know, you could have texted me._

_Yeah, but u alwys txt me 1st. _

_That's not a very good excuse._

It was getting hard to type as fast as I wanted to. Only my mouth could spit out the words quickly enough to get my emotions across to Arthur.

_W/e. Can i call u?_

_Er...I've got about a half-hour before I need to be at school..._

Confusedly, I looked at the clock on my phone, finding it two minutes after one thirty in the morning. Then I remembered.

_O. Rite. Tym difrence. _I hesitated, then decided. _Ill make it quik?_

_...All right..._

Appeased, I pressed "Call." He answered after two rings.

"So you're upset I didn't text you," he said immediately.

"Yeah, what's up with that?" I demanded. "It's been a freaking week, Arthur."

"I know, I've been...busy," he said distractedly.

"Busy?" I repeated. "Busy with what? Are you...are you cheating on me?"

"What?" Arthur exclaimed. "No! Of course not! Do you really think I would?"

"Maybe!" I answered, then sighed. "No..."

"Good. Because I wouldn't. School is demanding, and I've been helping Peter with his homework every night, I've recently gotten a part-time job...things are stressful..."

"Dude, _that_ isn't a very good excuse," I said accusatorily.

He sighed. "I know." There was something about his voice. He was wary, careful. He was speaking tentatively, as if to a dangerous animal, trying to back away slowly while appeasing the creature to keep safe. There was something about it that was infuriating. I think that it was because it was _me_ he was talking to. I knew for a fact that no one in the world could ever love Arthur as much as I did. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him – once we were closer, distance-wise, anyway. He didn't know it yet, but one day, I was going to marry him. Maybe we'd adopt some kids, and we'd have a happy family, with Mattie and Francis, too, if they wanted. Arthur and I were _close_. He could tell me anything, and I'd told him so before, but now he wasn't telling me anything. And it scared the crap out of me, for some reason.

"Then tell me, please," I begged, "why've you been ignoring me?"

"It's…it's difficult, Alfred," he sighed again, still walking on eggshells.

"You can tell me _anything_, Arthur. I'll do whatever to help, if I can, but I need to know what's wrong! Was it something I did? Did I say something stupid?"

"No," said Arthur, sounding a little annoyed. "It's neither of our faults…"

"_What_ isn't our fault?" I pressed.

Arthur paused. Then he said hesitantly, "Alfred… I've been thinking…about us."

"Yeah?"

"And…it's just _so_ difficult, Alfred," he said, and I could hear the stress in his voice. He was tired, and sad, and now that I'd broken through his delicate wall, I could hear it all. "It's so difficult. We can talk on the phone all we want when the time difference doesn't interfere and we can email, but it's not enough. I don't ever see you, and you don't ever see me. You deserve someone you can _be_ with – in person."

Misery slowly crept over me. I'd thought about the very same things before. It was so hard, to love him and not be able to see him. It wasn't easy to be in love with someone who lived two thousand miles away.

"And I hate myself for saying it," Arthur continued, "because I don't want you to be with anyone else, but I also know that it's incredibly selfish for me to think that way. If you can be happier with someone else, I should want that for you, but I _don't_. I want to spend all my time with you, and I can't."

Suddenly, all I wanted to do was hug Arthur. I'd done it a small number of times. We'd hugged, we'd kissed, but so briefly. Hearing the pain in his voice, and knowing firsthand the desolation, I just wanted to take him into my arms and not let go.

"I know," I whispered. "I want that, too. And you deserve so much better than me."

"That's not my point, git," he muttered. "I don't _want_ anyone else. I want you. But you're not here. There's a huge distance, and you know it."

Realization hit me.

"And you've been trying to add more."

"…Yes. I have," he admitted.

"To do what? Get me to…break up with you or something?" I asked, hoping I was wrong.

I wasn't. "…Yes."

Anger turned my words sharp, even If they were what I felt were the only right words to say. "Well, it wouldn't have worked! I wouldn't do it. Not for that reason."

"I thought you might say that, Alfred, but –"

"When I told you I loved you, I meant it," I snapped. "I still do. I miss you like _crazy_. I do anything I possibly can to feel closer to you. We've only seen each other a few times since you moved back to England, but at least we do still see each other! And one day soon, one of us is gonna move, and we'll be together. You'll see!"

"But Alfred, it could be a long time. And this distance is horrible. I miss you…all the time," he confessed, and I could hear the blush in his words.

"I miss you too, more than you could ever know... Just hang in there, okay? For me? Please?"

Arthur hesitated. "Are you sure you're happy this way?"

"I'm happy as long as you're mine," I told him honestly.

"W-Well, then…okay. I suppose I really do feel the same way…"

An idea struck me, and I grinned. "Artie? I've got a surprise for you. Okay? Just wait for it."

"Erm…all right?" He sounded confused. Perfect. He sighed. "I've got to go, Alfred. I'll…text you later."

I didn't want to hang up, in fact, I wanted to just keep talking, for hours, like we used to. But Arthur was much too responsible to miss school for me, and I cared about him too much to ask him to.

"Okay. Talk to you later! I love you!"

I was about to hang up when I heard Arthur saying something else. "Alfred, wait! Er, I… I know I've never said it before, but I really…I really do love you. A lot. I sound like an idiot."

I chuckled, surprised, and extremely gratified. My heart felt extremely heavy, but light, at the same time, embodying my confusing emotions. "You don't, babe. Trust me. Thanks for letting me know. I love you, too."

"Bye," Arthur murmured.

"Bye."

He hung up first. I sat and stared at the phone for a moment. Then I grinned.

I jumped up off of my bed and ran to my top dresser drawer. I'd hate myself for this later, when I wanted to go to Comic Con or something, but it was totally worth it. I counted the money I'd saved for the last couple of years, and decided I definitely had enough.

Spring break was coming soon, and I knew Arthur's was around the same time as mine. And I'd be spending it with him, in England.

I thought, for a moment, how crazy it was: Arthur's silence that had so paranoid me had actually resulted in him telling me that he loved me, something I'd been wanting him to say for some time… Ironic. Funny how things worked out. And strange what joy could spring from quiet.

**A/N: All right, seriously, I wasn't going to do another chapter, but you people asked for it. XD TOTALLY done with this story. Not adding anything else. Thank you and goodnight. Morning. Afternoon. Evening. Hope you enjoyed!**

**Hetalia © Hidekaz Himaruya**

**Oh, by the way! Want fanfiction updates from me? I'm not going to take the time to edit my profile (that no one checks), sorry. But you can follow me on Tumblr now! dhbPATHWAY1997 . tumblr . com :3**


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